The Crazy (Expensive) Things We Do For Love

PC – Asian man buy’s proposes to girlfriend with 99 iPhone 6S’s.

Mmmm, love. There’s nothing more meaningful or fulfilling than the feeling of being in love. If you have never been in love, I recommend trying it as happiness has been proven to be highly correlated with the quality of the personal relationships in our lives. There is no relationship more important than the relationship you have with your loved ones.

The relationship you have with your husband, wife, fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend, fling, the guy/girl you are kind of seeing, or last Saturday’s one-night stand is key to how you manage your finances.

“All’s fair in love and war.”

Including prices.

Which is why everything romantic from dating to diamonds is so outlandishly expensive.

The traditional norms built into dating, meeting people, and marriage, are antiquated and in need of an update.

In this post, I’ll be going through what I believe to be financially wrong with romantic culture today.

Dress To Impress – Dating Is Expensive!

Obviously, we should all try to present our “best selves” when we are single and looking for a partner. However, our “best” does not have to translate into “extravagantly expensive”.

I was guilty of thinking a nice sushi dinner would be an excellent first date with a girl. Instead of a “dreamy” first date full of raw fish, it was an expensive meal for 2 that ended up with her feeling like we were better off friends… I could have spent $5 on pizza instead of $50 on sushi to have found that out.

I was under the false impression that spending a reasonably large amount of money would guarantee a successful date. Instead of spending a large amount of money on a date, spend a large amount of time and effort on planning a memorable experience.

The amount of money spent on a date has no affect on how the date will actually go.

Instead of taking my current girlfriend to a sushi dinner for our first date, I took her out to a yoga class, which ended up being more meaningful, more memorable, and more affordable.

Going to a yoga class may not be a good first date for everyone but it worked out for us.

It is easy to nitpick every little detail of a date or the person you are dating. It is easy to become jaded and cynical when you have gone on enough unsuccessful first dates. Just realize that we are not alone in the dating game and try to exercise patience when meeting potential partners in life.

More importantly, we should all be trying to split the costs of dating fairly – regardless of gender, cultural upbringing, or sexual orientation.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong (Expensive) Places

In New York City, a night out at a bar, club, or a lounge can cost upwards to a couple hundred dollars. The cover charge, drinks, tips, coat check, food, and Uber ride home are just a few of the basic costs I can come up with when going out. Not to mention any other drinks you buy for other friends or strangers.

While there are many people who go out to have fun or relax, I believe the majority of people at these types of venues are out to look for love (whether they realize it or not).

Instead of having financially unwise nights out on the town seeking love, be open to love all day, every day.

You can meet people all throughout your day.

If there is someone you find attractive, then go up and say “Hi!” – not in a creepy way.

I am not saying that going out at night is a terrible idea, and I’m not discouraging you from doing so (I actually met my girlfriend in a bar).

I am saying that you should be open to the idea of love every minute of every day instead of restricting yourself to meeting people only at expensive social venues after consuming alcohol.

Is it so terrible to meet a stranger in the park, library, grocery store, or subway platform while being sober? No, it isn’t.

The Honeymoon Phase – Building Good/Bad Habits Together

The most expensive part of a relationship isn’t even the dating or late nights out, it is the financial habits built between two people.

When a relationship is first starting, it is normal for both people in the relationship to try to keep up a certain facade – trying not to scare the other person out of the relationship. This facade usually involves personality alterations, becoming less of a mess, and lavish purchases you wouldn’t have made if you were single. Or my favorite, the consistent eating out just because.

I was guilty of spending on expensive things, thinking it would show some sort of “value”. I would suggest a Sunday brunch instead of cooking at home because I was fearful that my new girlfriend would judge me on my ability to cook scrambled eggs.

These types of habits can cripple you financially.

Don’t be afraid to suggest more frugal options early on as habits are hard to break later.

Once you are in a committed relationship, it typically takes 2 people to make any decision when it comes to what meals you will eat, nightly plans, or weekend events (assuming you care about your partner’s opinion).

Your relationship can be one of having dinner “Seamless-ed” to your home daily, Sunday brunch at the local cafe, and lavish events/vacations.

OR!

Your relationship can be focused on bulk cooking, working on your side hustles, and forgoing vacations for investment opportunities.

Either way, these financial decisions cannot be made by any individual in the relationship. It takes both people to commit to becoming Financially Independent.

Having a partner with a similar mindset can set you up for a fruitful future. Conversely, if you and your partner disagree about how to spend money, then that is a recipe for financial disaster.

For instance, if you and your significant other are on the same page on not buying a diamond, having a minimal wedding, and minimal honeymoon, then you have saved tens of thousands of dollars right there.

I truly believe that love is one of the best things in the world. Sadly, the way to find and maintain love has been perverted by modern times.

You don’t need to impress your date with how much money you can spend in a single night out or how expensive your designer clothes are.

You don’t need to consume alcohol in a venue to meet your future spouse.

And you definitely don’t need a shiny rock to prove your love.

All you need is an agreement between two people to commit and put effort into growing together.

Thanks for reading!

-Jack

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5 comments

  1. This applies to a lot of married couples also. My wife and I have definitely gotten over the trying to keep up a facade part of our relationship, but we still eat out a lot. We are trying to cut back on eating out and are having cheaper date nights by cooking at home. We often find ourselves eating our during the week too for the sake of convenience.

    1. Great points! These habits die hard or never die at all.

      It’s great to hear both of you are on the same page.

      For meals during the week, I bulk cook on Sundays for my girlfriend and me. It’s only unenjoyable if I happen to mess up the dish as we have to eat it for the next few days, but I’d definitely recommend trying to bulk cook to save time, money, and (most important) mental energy.

  2. Aside from choosing more expensive options rather than cheaper ones, I find that the frequency of having to go out for food is also a main culprit why my finances are getting haywire when I’m in a relationship. Normal nights when I can usually skip dinner or eat fast food become impromptu date nights in restaurants. 😛

    Not to mention we end up getting fat, and then, we need to enroll for gym subscriptions. Boo! 😐

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